rant of the day – how to open a wax sealed bottle

As cool as the bottle may look with that pretty wax dripping down the side, it is just so damn annoying to open. However, I’ve compiled an easy 10-step solution to opening these bottles. You can thank me later.

1. Open a normal beer. Drink. This will put your body at ease for the entire session.

2. Make a preliminary call to 911. There will be blood.

3. Slap the bottle to show it who’s boss

4. Take a serrated knife or hacksaw to the bottle.

– Warning: Do not use a butter knife, it doesn’t do jack shit.

5. Hack away at the wax all the way around the bottle.

– If you knick yourself, just keep going, it adds to the enjoyment at the end.

6. Oh, don’t hack away near your glass as there will be plenty of shrapnel.

7. Once you have completed a 360 degree cutting ring at least 1/8″ thick around the bottle, you are now 25% complete (almost there).

8. Open another normal beer and drink.

9. Throw the bottle against a wall.

10. Lick beer off said wall.

Update: Recently I was told the wine opener knife works well. I tried it with the opener our electric one came with. It actually worked fairly well, so I recommend that if you have one. But if you want a challenge, do the above steps and remember, have fun.

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